Wilber on Gafni, Dec. 2011

 
I have been asked my opinion of Marc Gafni as a spiritual teacher, and in this case I am recommending that each person ought to make up their own mind, using their own conscience and intuition.  Like most people, I find some very good things about Marc and some problematic things about Marc, which is not unusual with a fair number of prominent spiritual teachers.  Each individual needs to navigate this territory using the best tools that he or she can.
 
The recent blogosphere explosion was set off by a statement made by Tami Simon of Sounds True, and not by public complaints or allegations made by the women involved.  In the course of Tami’s statement she states bluntly, “I do not trust Marc Gafni.” And she cancelled the planned publication of his book with Sounds True.  Naturally, any statement like Tami’s (or mine) arises from a complex context.  There are factors in all four quadrants which are complex and evolving, and often invisible to the public eye.  I have reason to hope that Tami and Marc will at an appropriate point resume their friendship and find their way.  That is up to them.
 
One of the women involved has written a public statement which painted a positive picture of her relationship with Marc.  I want to recognize and honor that.  The second woman has opted for the equally noble road of personal privacy, and chosen not to work out private interpersonal issues in the blogosphere.  I want to recognize and honor that as well.
 
The problem with situations like this one is that several different issues get mixed in together and all treated as one, making decisions very difficult.  Each of these issues is like a "risk factor," and the more risk factors there are, the more likely the relationship will end up badly.  Some of these risk factors include:  the issue of hierarchy (good or growth hierarchies versus bad or power hierarchies); the issue of students and teachers having romantic relationships in the first place; the type of teacher (the risk factors for spiritual teachers or therapists are much greater than for, say, music teachers or math teachers); the issue of male and female relationships in general  (how well does each party act in this relationship?); the issue of whether power can be removed at all from student/teacher relationships; the role of transparency in relationships, and the role of privacy or secrecy in relationships; shadow issues in each person.    
 
Each relationship is a mixture of all these issues, and each relationship has to be decided on its own in each case by considering each of these issues or risk factors as they add up in that particular relationship—was each issue handled well or handled poorly by each partner?  What is the sum total here for this particular relationship and each person in it?  Too often, people conflate all these issues or risk factors, make up their mind about one of them (say, teacher/student relationships), and then apply that judgment (e.g., "It's wrong") to the entire relationship, without looking carefully at each individual risk factor and how they add up.
 
The same is true in this situation, which is subject to a great deal of complexity. First, many people in the blogosphere have conflated current relationship issues with past issues instead of, as I just suggested, each relationship being explored in its own right and its own time.  And folks just seem to be confusing “facts” with their “interpretations of facts,” which, when mixed with the aforementioned conflation, result in ethical adjudications that either lack a clear factual basis or are based on non-factual information and often emotionally reactionary interpretations alone.   Shadow elements are very common—and as a proverb has it, "One dog barks at a shadow, and a thousand dogs take it for reality."  
 
As I said, Marc has some very positive capacities in each of these issues and he has some problematic factors in each of them as well, as most teachers do.  As always, each person has to make these decisions for themselves by carefully considering each issue, the risk factors, how each risk factor was handled by both parties, then the overall sum total of the risk factors in the total relationship.  Blanket statements that these relationships are always wrong or always right help nobody.  But going through each relationship carefully, and breaking it down into each of these issues and risk factors, and then deciding in each case whether the situation was right or wrong in regard to that particular issue, is the only way each of us can proceed.  
 
This demands the very best of each of us—we must reach for our own very highest capacity for spiritual discernment, judgment, compassion, mercy, insight, and awareness.  The same is definitely the case with this recent incident involving Marc.
 
May each of you find your own best and deepest capacity for wisdom and judgment, and apply this not only to the Gafni situation but to your own lives as well, moment to moment.  Let this case be another incident where you exercise your own capacity for spiritual judgment, and apply it wisely.
 
All information on this situation will never be available to the public.  There is simply no way to know fully.  At this point, we need to honor all the parties and let them get on with their lives.  And we need to get on with our Integral work.
 
This is not to say, however, that I will have nothing whatsoever to say about this kind of situation.  I have decided to take a 90-day leave of absence from the Center for World Spirituality (at which point a permanent decision will be made). I have come to this decision in collaboration with my senior students, two of whom are Center for World Spirituality staff members, Kelly Bearer and Dustin DiPerna.  Both Kelly and Dustin will also be taking 90-day leaves.   In my case, this is not specifically a judgment about Marc.  The Center will continue its important work.  As that time unfolds, many of us at Integral Life will conduct a rigorous exploration of Integral Ethics.  I simply did not want to immediately jump into the often-hysterical atmosphere of the Net and its many comments (although I honestly appreciate many of the perspectives).  I simply wanted some breathing room before commenting directly on these types of sensitive issues.  The 90-day  leave not only facilitates this, but it also feels like the most appropriate and compassionate action, one that’s in accord with my belief in the ongoing importance of an Integral  Spirituality, along with Marc’s notable contributions to that discourse. As I said above, whether or not to study or work with him is a personal decision that everyone needs to make individually.  More statements on Integral Ethics and relationships can be found at www.IntegralLife.com.  
 
- Ken Wilber

6th of October, 2012